Home > Contributing Writer, Fun, humor, Music > The Sky is Falling Down! The Sky is Falling…Oh, Wait. That’s Not The Sky.

The Sky is Falling Down! The Sky is Falling…Oh, Wait. That’s Not The Sky.

Just give me fresh water every couple of days and we can save a few bucks on buying a tree this year. But you will have to finally get me one of those Pee-in-a-Jar/Poo-in-a-Can gizmos that’s been on my wish list for years now.

I don’t know about you, but I’ve noticed some pretty hinky-dinky stressed out  people lately.  And by “lately” I mean for the last decade or so.

We Baby Boomers kind of freaked out at the year 2000 when we were younger. And by “we” I mean me. I remember thinking that I was going to be 42 at the turn of the millennium and that I would be decrepit so mature I’d need dentures.

I think this is my new motto.

Then there was all the fuss about the Y2K meltdown because computer programmers didn’t leave four digits for the year on most of their programs. With all the computers confused about graduating out of their teens and into their 20′s, experts predicted that the banks would fail, the real estate bubble would burst, unemployment would skyrocket, and Justin Bieber would be famous for singing and looking like a girl. Blame it all on those frugal programmers who wanted to save two digits and ruin the future.

Justin? Justine? Whoever you are, you’re awfully pretty!

Add to that all this talk about the Mayans and the end of their calendar that just went on forever. But apparently it only went on forever backward, not forward. They had excellent hindsight. Um. I have that, even without my super-powers.

Should we really be putting all our future eggs in a basket woven by people from an extinct civilization?

Speaking of eggs. That reminds me of chickens and chickens remind me of Chicken Little–that paranoid excuse for poultry–which reminds be why I started writing this post in the first place. There’s something in the air that’s, well, unsettling. I’ve noticed it. Have you?

If you haven’t noticed it, maybe it’s because you’re part of it and it feels normal. Well, trust me, if you have any one of the following symptoms, then you’re on the trippy-dippy side of Unbelievabubble Street (translation for the un-hip–you’re not normal):

  • It’s Cyber-Everyday! I’ll buy this crap just because I’ll get free shipping. Someone will need it, want it or regift it.
  • Finally, Twilight, Breaking Dawn, Part 2 is in the movie theaters. Now I get to see for the 5th time that vampire love, just like vampires, is real and everlasting. Sigh. I wish I was a vampire.
  • Not tonight, Honey, I have to watch the next episode of Breaking-Bad. I wish I was a dying Chemistry teacher. It seems so exciting!
  • Dexter is my hero. There’s never a good sadistic sociopath around when you need him.

Take it from me. I know about normal. I’m constantly dizzy, converse with my dog, take 10 hours to write a post, and believe I have super-powers. I also meditate. If that isn’t normal, what the heck is?

So what’s making people so jumpy? Besides me and this weird post, that is?

Stop looking around and start looking up. There’s some wonky shiznut falling down from the sky. And I’m just here to warn you that maybe you want to wear a hat, a helmet, or a catcher’s mitt.

On September 26 in Butler, PA a 30-pack of beer came raining down on two police officers responding to a domestic dispute call. A woman, apparently not wanting the officers to come upstairs to the 2nd floor apartment, or not wanting any more beer (since it’s so filling and is bad for one’s figure), threw the beer out of the window hitting the two officers on the head. I know some people like a good head on their beer, but not the other way around.

The best of both worlds? The worst of both worlds? You be the judge…

On October 11 in Accomac, VA a one-foot piece of processed chicken fell from the sky and hit a teenager on the head. The teen was out exercising. This baffled local police and the execs at the nearby Tyson processing plant. No one could believe this story.  Processed chickens don’t generally fly, they fry. And what was a teenager doing outside exercising, anyway? It’s all a bit hard to swallow if you ask me.

I must say, she handled the chicken bomb with more grace than I would have…

On October 22 in Novato, CA a 2-inch meteor fragment struck the roof of a minister’s home, right over his study where he writes his sermons. He was elated, believing that God was sending him a message. The parishioners, not as thrilled with the roofing repair bill, also saw this as a message: “If the sermons aren’t more inspiring, we’ll make sure the next hit will be.”

Actually, Minister, we were looking for another meteor, er, um, sign from God.

Who knows what’s next? But you can count on me to keep you informed of any new developments.

In the meantime, take a listen to this oldie but goodie. Hopefully, it is only raindrops that keep falling on your head. I’d check often if I were you…

  1. November 27, 2012 at 4:40 pm

    You had me all the way up to the Bieber part… but then you got me again, so it all worked out. Good post.

  2. Red
    November 28, 2012 at 1:16 pm

    The meteor thing is a mite disturbing. I was still under the impression a roof between me and the rest of the litter was sufficient. I know my tin foil hat interferes with signals from Justine and all of the “breaking”. I think we are good. Let me know if there is any more dropping.

    And I would have thought the police would have liked that sort of confiscated evidence. *shrugs*

  3. November 28, 2012 at 3:30 pm

    I’ll be sure to update you on what’s coming down…unless something bonks me on the head first. It would be just my luck… ;)

  4. November 28, 2012 at 9:25 pm

    ooo, that sign! You make me laugh. I’m going to have to print that out and add it to my funny pictures from Lorna corner.

  5. November 29, 2012 at 10:21 am

    Yeah, I’m thinking of making that into a tee shirt! ;)

  6. WordsFallFromMyEyes
    November 29, 2012 at 11:16 am

    Oh, I love this post & that raindrops song – love it! :)

    • November 29, 2012 at 12:34 pm

      So glad you enjoyed it! And that song is a real oldie, but it kind of sticks in your head, doesn’t it? :)

  7. December 1, 2012 at 1:24 pm

    My calendar has been ending every year on Dec. 31, but I always get a new one and start over. Don’t you think the Mayans likely did the same thing? Love this post. It is a good reminder of how too much hype effects us.

    • December 1, 2012 at 2:06 pm

      The Mayans lived by a calendar connected to the seasons, so it makes sense that they would begin again each year. And yes, we humans love the hype–any hype!

      Thanks for commenting! :)

  8. December 3, 2012 at 10:20 pm

    have a wonderful week my friend
    hugs

    • December 4, 2012 at 12:45 pm

      Thanks so much! I certainly intend to. You, too! :)

      • May 17, 2013 at 6:05 pm

        Thanks, very nice to meet you hun. :-)

  9. Androgoth
    December 11, 2012 at 6:33 am

    Watch out after loosening the bra straps
    as that could be incredibly nice, I mean it
    could be incredibly dangerous :)

    I thought I was on the wrong Space for a
    brief moment but hey it is great to see you
    here Lorna and this wonderful posting is
    definitely wicked :)

    For you Lorna xxx

    And Phil… Do behave yourself over the
    coming festive period or the Banshees of
    wickedness will be scrambling under your
    duvet cover and that could be nasty :( lol

    Androgoth

    • December 23, 2012 at 9:31 am

      Oh, I pop over here now and again, just to shake up Phil’s tranquil (ha ha) world)! Thanks for visiting, Androgoth!

      • Androgoth
        December 23, 2012 at 10:06 am

        Hey you are welcome, just makes sure that you have a merry and wickedly sweet Christmas Lorna ;) :)

        Hugs aplenty :)

        Andro xxx

  10. WordsFallFromMyEyes
    December 13, 2012 at 12:47 am

    Hey Phil :)

    I LOVE that Mayan calendar cartoon. My gosh, to me that is SO funny “that’ll freak somebody out some day”. And it’s the 13th already – it’s all over…

    I do so love these compilations you do. They’re light relief, and always very unique.

    I don’t understand I didn’t get an email alert though,as I am following…. just as well I chanced by.

  11. December 22, 2012 at 1:01 pm

    Merry Christmas, Phil! <3 Xxxxx LOVE to you and your family

  12. Androgoth
    December 22, 2012 at 4:28 pm

    MERRY CHRISTMAS PHIL :)

    Androgoth

  13. December 24, 2012 at 6:52 pm

    Merry Christmas Phil!
    Wishing you a bright and beautiful Christmas time.
    For you http://i169.photobucket.com/albums/u205/nh07/merryxmas-1_zps9ad30416.gif
    Hugs and kisses,
    Nikki

  14. December 30, 2012 at 12:05 pm

    Hope you are having a wonderful New Year my dear friend…
    love you hun..
    big hug, kisses & smiles :-)

  15. Geoff
    January 21, 2013 at 6:37 pm

    We need more input Phil :)
    I hope that you are doing
    very well and that you are
    going to post something
    new Sooooooooooooon :)

    Geoff

  16. WordsFallFromMyEyes
    April 28, 2013 at 5:46 am

    This is great Phil – love it :)

    Yet, even though you say computer programmers didn’t leave 4 digits in the year for most their programmes (1999 is four digits)… even so, that doesn’t to me explain – and I have never understood – why everyone thought planes would drop out of the sky on the year 2000.

    As for chickens dropping out of the sky….?!! :)

  17. September 1, 2013 at 1:09 pm

    Phil,
    email me to tell me how you are, please.

    Kim

  1. November 27, 2012 at 6:49 pm

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