Home > Ranting > Detention


I am not pleased!


So… I step away for a few moments and this is what happens to class?  Is it the Spring Fever that’s getting to some around here?  Sweet Mary, mother of Jesus, I tell you, I will not allow this place to become a mockery.  I should make everyone write a 500 word essay on disagreeing with civility, but I can only imagine another brouhaha erupting.  So we shall all sit quietly at our desks instead and reflect on our behavior…


A few weeks ago, I don’t remember exactly when, I recall commenting on another blog bemoaning blog owners who act in a heavy handed manner censoring comments.  It seemed perfectly logical to me, perhaps naively, that blog owners should allow readers to comment and hold discussions freely among themselves in addition to their host.  After all, we are adults here and we should be responsible for our own words.  I now have second thoughts, possible reservations about holding that position as an absolute. And those second thoughts are what trouble me – they make me feel hypocritical.


I have a problem.  I truly believe we should be allowed to speak our minds, and I truly do not want to referee and step in with respect to moderation.  I have a full time job to attend to and this place is my playground and oasis from it all, not a second job.  This is supposed to be a fun place.  When it stops becoming fun and too much like work, I will have little motivation to play over here.  Not that the world will notice mind you, for I’m not that narcissistic to believe any great loss would occur.  Still it would be disappointing to me.  Do we need to establish a set of playground rules?  Yuk, that sounds so restricting and adult-like.


I’m not asking you all to hug each other, just to behave and play nice.  Don’t turn into this guy:


someone is wrong_zpsncnzkixr

But… but… but… 

Class is dismissed!


  1. March 21, 2012 at 7:16 pm

    What happaned? Did you have a kerfluffle on here?

    I used to moderate a network (literally) for the most part, everyone was civil… had their scuffles but in the end… many of them now reside on my facebook page 🙂 Well, not all there were like 600 members at the time, or something like that. More than enough to keep me busy, I have to say! 🙂

    • March 22, 2012 at 9:49 pm

      Yes MC, we had a kurfluf… kerfulf… um… keerfluffly… er… (ahem) a major flap and verbal scuffle on another thread. I’m hopeful that wounds will eventually heal, but for now it appears it is too raw and immediate to determine that outcome.

      • March 23, 2012 at 4:52 am

        LOL 🙂 This too shall pass.

        Now. Repeat after me …

        Ker-fluff-el … hahaha!

  2. Androgoth
    March 21, 2012 at 8:16 pm

    I admire your gesture of goodwill my wickedly fine friend and I have already disengaged from the debate on your previous offering, sometimes when these discussions are accessed they turn a well written posting from the Author into a Quagmire from Hell…

    The Olive Branch
    Has Been Grasped…


    • March 22, 2012 at 9:53 pm

      Quagmire from Hell. A pretty good term. Any olives on your branch?

      • Androgoth
        March 22, 2012 at 9:57 pm

        Yes and a few lemons, oranges and few tidy looking melons… I think we have moved away from the quagmire don’t you my fine and wicked friend? 🙂


  3. March 21, 2012 at 8:23 pm

    Whatchu talkin’ ’bout, Willis?

    Yep, it’s a huge virtual playground for me. People are on blogs for various reasons though. Just like in person, you never know what kinda mood someone’s going to be in to say whatever they end up saying. We’d hate for you to toss your toy (blog) out and us babies with the bathwater. Moderating? Whatever the blogger feels is appropriate for his/her blog is his/her choice. I was censored once. Wasn’t a cool thing but that was their decision. It so happened, last month I think, a blogger commented on a post of mine and it was pretty graphic, which I didn’t think was a cool thing. I deleted the comment, which is the only time I’ve done that. It’s like, for me, going to somebody’s house and behaving. Or not.

    Do folk have to wear armor when they come here now, Phil? I’ll have to put mine on layaway.

    • March 22, 2012 at 9:58 pm

      I sure hope folks won’t have to wear armor just to visit this blog. I don’t look good in Metallic, I’m not a good horseman or swordsman, and I sure as hell don’t want to be removing all my stuff every time I have to pee…

  4. March 21, 2012 at 8:31 pm

    Hugs to Phil….(will put away my spitballs as I sit in the back of the class and try to remain unnoticed by teach!)

    • March 22, 2012 at 10:00 pm

      Hey now! Don’t be hogging all the spitballs. I’ll take the opposite side of the room so we can distract the monitor.

  5. Red
    March 21, 2012 at 8:46 pm

    I only delete trolls. But then again, that’s what I get for parking my blog next to a bridge.

    Time for tequila.

    • March 22, 2012 at 10:02 pm

      Your blog is next to a troll bridge? What does the troll cost?

      Yeah – tequila sounds tempting about now.

      • Red
        March 22, 2012 at 11:27 pm

        I give them away as party favors.

  6. March 22, 2012 at 1:04 am

    Phil, rarely in my life do I have occasion to use the word “vile”. Now I do. I appreciate your gesture, that of a gentleman, to take down a shamelessly vile comment directed at me. Unfortunately, the damage is done. And I hope Ms de Vile will get off on that too.

    After all, Ms de Vile, what’s brain chemistry for if not to be screwed with?

    Sorry about that last remark, Phil. Couldn’t resist it. I will stay behind and write 100 lines of whatever you deem fit.


    • Androgoth
      March 22, 2012 at 5:50 am

      I wasn’t aware that a comment had been
      deleted on that one… But I do agree with
      you (yet again) on the ridiculousness of
      the incredibly unbelievable Ms De Vile…

      Have a fine day today U

      Androgoth XXx

    • March 22, 2012 at 10:10 pm

      I am not sure what to say. I am sure this was difficult on everyone involved, and unfortunately the emotional bell, once rung cannot be unrung. We can only move forward from the present moment and location.

  7. March 22, 2012 at 6:32 am

    I’m with you Phil. I think folk should just play nice. Thankfully I haven’t come up against any negative stuff although often folks that comment go on to have a conversation with others on my blog. I find that quite encouraging. Maybe we should have a raised eyebrow button that says “do you want to take that back” instead of a ‘delete permanently’ button?

    • March 22, 2012 at 10:12 pm

      I’ll submit a request to the WordPress folks about the raised eyebrow button. Brilliant idea!

  8. March 22, 2012 at 1:42 pm

    “Adults” is a relative term, my friend. People take things so personally and seriously sometimes. When that happens, all heck breaks loose and what was an ant hill becomes Mt. Vesuvius. I know. Ant hills are extremely important to ants, This relativity thing can get confusing.

    I am pre-programmed to avoid controversy and be the peace-maker. Others. Not so much. I agree that basic civility is slim in this civilized society of ours. With our TV programs filled with people yelling at one another being billed as “entertainment” and our constant interpersonal depersonalized connections, is it any wonder. When we wrote letters to each other, the time it took to pen our ire often gave us time to crumple up the paper when better judgement washed over us. Hitting the “send” or “reply” button after we vomited our off-the-cuff- responses doesn’t give us that luxury (or should I say necessity?).

    Most of us live in a hurry-up society and have forgotten the benefits of slowing down. Civility, I’m afraid, is one of the causalities of modernity. It doesn’t have to be, but it’s proven to be collateral damage so far.

    I’m sorry that whatever snarky issue you ran into created the need for this post (I’m guessing something on Ursula’s blog?). The last thing in the world I would want is for you to stop playing in our little sandbox. You, my friend, are WAY TOO much fun. 🙂

    • March 22, 2012 at 2:53 pm

      No, Lorna, it wasn’t on my blog. It was on Phil’s. Comments of an overheated mind (and body) escalating into what amounted to accusing me of triple incest (three generations). Yes, really. Shook me. Not so much the incest insinuation but the vile directed at me. I really do bring out the best in people, don’t I? Phil took that particular comment down. Not, of course, that it has made any difference. Oh, yes, word of warning, Lorna: Whatever you do: Don’t give the impression you like Phil. You will be accused of flirting. Watercooler? Don’t go there.

      The culprit, on her own blog, has since confirmed that I am stupid and superficial (thank god for the alliteration; it somewhat softens the blow). And you thought you led an exciting life, Lorna. The Angel gave his verdict. Though employed a word in his summoning up I wouldn’t use myself.

      I am so happy I don’t have a pet rabbit. She’d boil it. Of that there is no doubt.

      I said to Phil that where you, Lorna, are sublime in relating your life’s story, the person in question is a bit of a bull in the china shop of her life. You may wish to read her last offering for yourself. If only for educational purposes. I would like to offer her desperate soul a hand in friendship – but, maybe, let me know, I shouldn’t go there. Like you I am a peace maker when it comes to true conflict but, sometimes, you are just on a losing wicket. Sometimes we need to acknowledge that, with the best will in the world, our best intention is just hurtling down a dead end.


      • March 22, 2012 at 5:11 pm

        May I offer an anecdote and quote from someone must more evolved than I am to hopefully smooth these still-riled waters (that sounds like an oxymoron, but it wasn’t meant to be)?

        Last evening, I joined a dear friend and we sat by a beautiful lake for an hour watching some duck-antics and the day softly melt into evening. We were there to pay homage to this wondrous planet and all living creatures that call it “home.” The air was on the cool side of warm and the lake was a mirror, reflecting everything above it. We felt so calm and connected with earth, air, and water.

        After we spoke of the many things in our tumultuous lives for which we are grateful (since even the hard things can teach us how to be soft and kind), we read this beautiful prayer in unison. You probably know it. St. Francis of Assisi is attributed with penning it:

        Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
        Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
        where there is injury, pardon;
        where there is doubt, faith;
        where there is despair, hope;
        where there is darkness, light;
        and where there is sadness, joy.

        Oh Divine Spirit, grant that I may not so much seek
        to be consoled as to console;
        to be understood as to understand;
        to be loved as to love.
        For it is in giving that we receive;
        it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
        and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

        Tears fell from my eyes onto the ground, further binding me to the earth that was (is) supporting me–the same on supporting you.

        I offer both my experience at the lake last night and this prayer as a reminder to all who have been engaged in this war of words and heart to take a breath and remember we’re all in this life together.


        • March 22, 2012 at 10:15 pm

          Lorna, you are a thoughtful, caring, individual. You truly are a peacemaker at heart.

  9. March 22, 2012 at 4:05 pm

    I am not desperate. I am not vile. I am not ashamed…at all…with what I wrote.

    I made the mistake of trying to talk from my perspective, my views, and my depth. I am sorry you all think I am sick. But you are NO different than any other people I have tried to engage in conversation with.

    Phil, I apologize. I really do. I think everyone here just cost us our friendship. I’m sorry about that.

    You were very kind to me.

    Now if you all excuse me, I will no longer bother any of you.

    Best of luck.

    I still think flirting with your son and father is some sick business, but what the hell do I know?

    • March 22, 2012 at 6:42 pm

      Let’s take this from the top, Sprightly Writer.

      You are NOT vile. Bringing a husband’s appendage and what I do or not do with it (not that your words were quite as delicate as mine, neither am I married) into the equation, mixing it with a bit of your perception of triple incest on my part, is not vile? Part of normal human intercourse, is it? With someone you don’t know? Elementary, dear Casey, isn’t it?

      You are not ashamed. STET (don’t google: It’s the editor’s note for: Let it stand).

      You are “sorry” that we (who is we) think you sick? Who says? Speak for yourself. After all that’s what you do best.

      Apologize to Phil? Yes, he was kind to you. So kind that he deleted the very comment that showed you up for what you are. A bit sick?

      You “still think flirting with … son and father is some sick business”. Forgive me for saying so: Haven’t you forgotten about my brother I flirt with, the one who first caught your attention? Would you like the name of a second cousin who is particularly delicious, and on the same wave length as me? I can’t help that I come from a family for some of whom employing charm is second nature. Neither can I help your childhood, Casey.

      You ask what you know. Not a lot, Casey, not a lot. You are 42. And yes, I know you told me you’d punch the next person saying to you AGAIN: “Get a grip”. Punch me.


      • March 24, 2012 at 11:49 am

        Every man who has “flirted” with me has also tried to seduce me as well. Participation in flirtation with men has always, and I mean ALWAYS indicated sexual interest. At least on the part of the man.

        Are you THAT daft to think that men do not, at some level, equate flirtatious attention with sexual desire? I had divorced 50 year old writer friend of mine recently tell me over dinner that “if a married woman smiles at me, I’m going to think she likes me, and I’m also going to wonder if that ring comes off”.

        Men LOVE to pretend they are gentlemen. But mark my words, they are always into the desire for sexual expression. Unless of course, they are completely emasculated.

        And WHY do you keep magnifying my words. I NEVER said I was going to punch you. But I’d slap you, that’s for sure. You are such a drama queen. For all your ‘flirting’, you are probably an ice queen in the bedroom too.

        Y’all are very much living the repressed life. I hope you enjoy it.

        As for me, I’m going to take my passions (both the intellectual and the sensual) where they lead me…to a full-blooded LIFE.

      • March 24, 2012 at 12:07 pm

        And…for what its worth,

        Phil emailed me for my PERMISSION to take the comment down.

        And I said YES! Because I agreed, it was hurtful. Let me officially say, I’m sorry for THAT particular line. It was pretty wretched. But you were (and still are) making me feel like a wretch. What else could I do. You have everything figured out in your nicely ordered Universe.

        You have never seen a woman gutted from navel to neck for your line of work, have you? Or worked on a case where a daughter and mother were both raped and set on fire, all for the pleasure of a sick man.

        I have seen some pretty ugly things…but none of them have made me feel as awful as you have made me feel. Please don’t feel sorry for me.

        Your charm is shallow and pointless in a world of REAL suffering. I bet you have NEVER known a day of real pain, have you? You have lived a charmed life, I am sure. Good for you. I would never want to take that away from someone. I hope God shines on the rest of your days and you can find it in your heart to forgive my transgression.

        There is nothing more I can do, or say, except…thank you. Thank you for teaching me a valuable lesson: that most people are not ready for authentic interaction, but are satisfied with low-level tactics such as charm and flirtation as a valid substitute for real, deep, meaningful conversation.

        I grew a tremendous amount in the past few days because of this. My favorite author, Paulo Coelho stopped by my blog, Twittered one of my posts, and now, 8,500+ people stopped by to read and offer some love to me.

        Enjoy your limited range of emotional expression.

        I wish you all the best with that.

  10. March 22, 2012 at 4:11 pm

    And Phil…

    You were one of the most pleasant men I have ever encountered in ALL of my life. I may have reacted badly here, but never in ALL of my life have I been so instantaneously judged and hung in one fell swoop by someone I have never met, simply because something seemed to be icky to me.

    Talk about having the tables turned on that one.

    Thanks for your friendship. I wish you well…

    • March 22, 2012 at 10:23 pm

      Speaking of a friendship in the past tense. And that its cause was attributable to others. I am deeply saddened to hear that. To quote from La Boheme: “Addio senza rancor.” Farewell without malice.


      • March 24, 2012 at 11:35 am

        It saddens me that I’m still the hot topic here.

        My hands are shaking even as I write. To have been so maligned by these people. I can’t blame you for this. It was my own openness that exposed me to ridicule. I deserve their judgment.

        Come see the love showered upon me in the past 24 hours…I have had over 8,000 views in just 6 hours. They all know what you U has done to me, though I did not link them here. They don’t know where it’s coming from. There is a true show of love and compassion for me on my blog. There will never be an ounce of respect here for me from most of your groupies, except for Totsymae – what a lovely lady.

        I made some new friends, and a poet from across the pond who has been inspired by my suffering.

        And…while I have heard “it’s not over until the fat lady sings”…I feel just humiliated by your entourage. They’ve contaminated our friendship and I feel scared to talk to you for a while. Maybe, just maybe, in time, this sickness may pass may not affect me so deeply.

        In the meantime, au revior.


        • Androgoth
          March 24, 2012 at 1:23 pm

          There is nobody carrying this on but you… Phil has
          already offered his hand of friendship and providing
          this ongoing quest for feeling sorry for yourself is at
          an end, then perhaps we can all move on…

          Have a good rest of weekend…


  11. Androgoth
    March 22, 2012 at 6:56 pm

    Phil this Space of yours could become the goading arena
    of all tme at this rate, perhaps a blog on the sex life of sprouts
    could help… Well it couldn’t do it any harm I guess? 🙂

    Happy Days and Wicked Nights Phil…


    • March 22, 2012 at 7:18 pm

      Stop it, Androgoth. Get a grip .I am making a habit of saying that as It covers all current eventualities. I won’t expand on them, otherwise I’ll be losing MY grip. And be punched. There are only so many black eyes I can show off with some dignity. Will expound, not expand, on the virtues of corsets and burkas as soon as thinly veiled possible.. And yes, I haven’t made it over to yours yet. I am only ONE dragon, currently fighting a small fire. Mixed metaphor gone to the bitch.


      • Androgoth
        March 22, 2012 at 9:46 pm

        Well I hope that you like Elvira Mistress of
        the Dark U as she is featuring in my next post
        and I feel sure that these pictures will be in good
        taste, no hint of the wicked and just pleasantly
        offered in My Gothic Realm of the Roaming
        Skeleton, Bones a plenty and Werewolves that
        Vampires can shake a Fang at and you can share
        a glass of my finest Red Nectar, well that and some
        Chocolate Marshmellows that Binky and Fraz left
        behind on their last visit, I won’t be welcoming
        anyone that is not comfortable with the Zombies
        of Wickedness, or a smack on the backside by a
        Resident Ghoul or three, other than that I know it
        will be a Ghoulishly frightening party, oh yes and
        it is your turn to bring the ketchup, red of course,
        actually you can bring some home made cakes
        and anything else that you think I will like…

        Well I only said…

        Have a lovely rest
        of evening U and be good…

        Androgoth XXx

  12. March 22, 2012 at 9:40 pm


    Just a general comment before I try to get to each of your individual comments, time permitting. After the derailment and fracas that ensued on my Ensnared post, I sat and wondered how in the world could I find a way to transition out of the “Quagmire from Hell” as Androgoth so aptly termed it, and put this episode behind us without appearing to be completely oblivious as to what happened. I thought maybe we deserved a little time in Detention. I’m not so sure it is working. I may have to pull out the heavy artillery – maybe an entire blog post detailing in excruciating manner, complete with clips, of an entire Opera. That ought to scare you all into behaving or just plain scare you all away. Don’t make me do it!

    What in the world do I post about as my next entry, and how do we transition our way out of this? I do not want to get bogged down in all this drama – we’ll all tire if this continues to carry over into each and every post. Please! Speak your piece if you feel you must, but let’s keep it confined to where it belongs – right here in the detention room.

    I will not change any moderation and hope everyone will continue to feel welcome to comment and discuss topics with both me and each other.

    Now if you don’t mind, I have a few comments to make elsewhere, and an Opera to continue working on.


    • Androgoth
      March 22, 2012 at 9:55 pm

      The best way forwards Phil is to wipe the slate clean…
      No more tit-for-tat exchanges and goading replies to
      anyone should be deleted… This is not a playground
      for adolescents and we as adults need to play by the
      rules, there is nothing wrong with jovial exchanges
      but anything that damages the overall outlook of the
      initial posting only serves to obliterate our friendliness
      and in its place leave a bitter taste that nobody wants.
      The time is to learn from this and move on my wicked
      friend, as anything else is just not worth mentioning…

      Be good now everyone or I
      will send the Zombies round…


      • March 22, 2012 at 10:40 pm

        I agree with you in sentiment, and yet the reality is I do not have the time to be policing the blog, reading each and every comment made in order to make that determination. Enforcement of the rules becomes the draconian problem.

        Andro, we have to rely on the adults acting like adults. Banter and joviality are both fun, and a little irreverence is totally my style. Mistakes are made – it’s why we’re human, well except for you vampires, but you know what I mean. We screw up, we serve a little time in detention, and then we move on. That is my hope.

        Isn’t it getting late out where you are? Oh yeah, that’s right…

        • Androgoth
          March 22, 2012 at 10:46 pm

          Yes it is almost 03.00 but I am busy drinking away at some deliciously fine necks and… Well I have just added Elvira and you will soon know what I mean 🙂 lol I agree with you, no policing, just friendly comments and interactions 🙂


        • March 24, 2012 at 12:40 pm


          I’ll be good. I’ll still stay out of future discussions, but I had to come back, let people know what came out of this for me at my end of the cosmic ether and apologize for offending such delicate, well-bred individuals.

          I’m really sorry.

    • March 22, 2012 at 10:06 pm

      You know, Phil. I love music. Truly. But pleeeeease, no opera. 🙂
      BUT. Do what you must. I’m sorry for the distress you’re having to address on your playground. I know what this experience is like in real life, so if you absolutely have to, I’m okay with opera.

      • March 22, 2012 at 10:29 pm

        Aw come on Totsy. Rigoletto is a classic! Lucky for you, I have a separate Opera blog. One that has been woefully neglected. I’ll only post a brief snippet here, but I think you’d enjoy it. Heck, you could even take Beatrice from Apartment 7b along. What fun you two would have…

  13. March 23, 2012 at 10:03 am

    Oh lord – I totally agree with you. I’m all for discussion – but discussion with respect for others.

  14. March 23, 2012 at 12:03 pm

    ~~~Oh, My,
    did I miss out on something? What happened?

    I believe in LOTS of discussion & even disagreements…., but I agree, I will not tolorate DISRESPECT. EVER. EVER. Noooooooooooo.

    Phil, I recieved my first horrible comment last week. It’s said:
    “You are Fat & Ugly. Nobody Cares. Go to Hell.”

    I’m like, Are you Kidding me? That is sooo damn mean.

    You Rockkkkk, Dear Phil.

    Great post.


    • March 23, 2012 at 3:31 pm

      Inner Chick, you are so lucky. If someone told me to go to hell at least I’d have something to work with. Like the devil.


  15. Androgoth
    April 5, 2012 at 6:52 am

    Happy Easter Phil 🙂


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