Bewitched

What ? It’s her again?

The last time I posted, I asked Phil’s readers to ponder why Phil would let me be a contributing writer on his bomb diggity blog.

The vast majority (over 80% of those who voted) decided it was that “Lorna cast a spell over Phil and he was drunk on wine and Jazz, thus unable to resist her blue-eyed magic.” I’m not sure if this speaks to my supernatural powers or Phil’s all-too-human weaknesses, but I’m going with my supernatural powers because it’s close to Halloween, I’m writing this post and it just looks better for me.

Not fair! I just finished a bottle glass of wine and was listening to some smooth jazz, then you appeared. Now you won’t go away. Why doesn’t this bother me more?

Some of you know me well. Some of you kind of know me. Others of you are wondering if WordPress is wonking out on you again because you know Phil doesn’t refer to himself in the third person on his site.

Well, it doesn’t matter. I’m going to let all of you in on a BIG secret that will make me unforgettable. You’ll stop wondering, “Who is this Lorna person and what has she done with our adorable Phil?” Well, you still may be wondering about the last part.

I can’t be responsible for what Phil does on all those supposed “business” trips.

I was born under the astrological sign of Scorpio, which makes me mysterious and breathtakingly alluring. I don’t quite get the connection between “exotic deliciousness” and “creepy lobster bug.” But just because I can’t explain something , it doesn’t mean it isn’t real. I can’t explain quantum physics either.

Sexy, huh? It’s because of quantum physics. Little critters don’t follow the same rules of matter and energy as bigger critters. It has to do with math so just forget about it. But that’s why mice and cockroaches are so frustrating.

Combine my Scorpio-lishness and my ability to connect with the world beyond what most mere mortals can see (think Ouija  Boards not the fluff beyond the range of the Hubble Telescope), and I’m a perfect candidate for dancing communicating with the stars spirits and casting spells on our sweet, unsuspecting Phil.

You don’t believe me, right? I thought not. Skeptics! You probably don’t believe that Jeannie lived in that bottle, either.

What’s not to believe?

The only proof I can offer are my first person encounters. I know I joke around a lot, but these stories are true. Maybe I should call them accounts. Accounts have numbers and you can hack into them. That makes them very real.

  • Account 1: I helped my sister locate her lost cat. Pippin was in a wooded area about 100 miles from her home and lost for 3 days. I guided my sister (via cell phone) to the precise spot where Pippin was hiding under a shrub. I was 150 miles away at my home, giving her the instructions.
  • Account 2: My friend had a lump in her breast. Prior to the procedure to remove it, I envisioned the lump as if it was a tablet of Alka Seltzer dissolving in her body. I did this twice a day for two weeks. When she went for the pre-op ultra sound, they couldn’t find the lump, cancelled the procedure and has been fine since (4+ years).
  • Account 3: I had another friend with stage 4 lung cancer. This time I thought of her healthy cells nibbling away the cancerous ones until they were just crumbs easily swept away by her immune system. She lived for nearly 20 years.
  • Account 4: An owner of a Golden Retriever with severe hip dysplasia told me she was thinking of having 7 year-old “Hoops” put down. He was hardly able to walk. I asked her not to change anything about his food or medications, but to wait for 2 weeks. I visualized him as a healthy, vibrant dog twice a day.  She called me after 2 weeks to report that “Hoops” made a miraculous recovery. He was running and playing like when he was young. “Hoops” went on to live a healthy life for six more years.
  • Account 5: An elderly friend of the family was dying. Slowly. Everyone wondered when the final time would come. I made a prediction that seemed outlandish because it was in weeks rather than days as the doctor predicted. Only my then-husband I knew which day I foresaw. He died on the day I predicted.

I have more accounts but that should put a dent in your skepticism. Whatever I have doesn’t always work. My ex-husband was immune to my charms and I can never pick the right lottery numbers. But still, I’ve got something going for me.

Grace Kelly was a Scorpio, like me. You can tell by the eyes.

Is it any wonder that Phil would fall under my spell, wine and jazz notwithstanding? No matter how hard I try to keep my powers under wraps, they just ooze. I’m sorry.

In honor of Phil and his music-themed blog and Halloween, please enjoy this song. Not that I need any love potions to cast spells. Just being a Scorpio seems adequate.

Happy Halloween!

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  1. October 30, 2012 at 9:01 am

    Phil referring to himself in the third person? He probably realizes there is no better way to ensure everyone backs away from a pending conversation with him as they quickly exit the room to escape such narcissistic pomp.

    Those are rather extraordinary accounts there Lorna! I’m wondering if the lightning strikes are responsible for these supernatural powers. Did any of those occur beforehand? Now we will need you to summon those powers to steer the remnants of Hurricane Sandy back out to sea so the little children can go trick or treating and get that sugar fix, lest they all decide to send cards instead…

    Happy Halloween!

  2. October 30, 2012 at 10:39 am

    Since I was almost struck by ball lightning when I was about 10 or 11, yes, my super powers came after my super-charging. All the rest came before my second brush with lightning.

    I did try to send Sandy off into the Atlantic, but she had more mojo than I could muster. I hope she didn’t stomp on you too badly. I sent a “protective shield” around you and your properties. Did it work?

    And just to be clear. I use my powers only for good (but that would be my definition of “good.” 😉

    • October 30, 2012 at 11:04 am

      The protective shield worked! No loss of power, and all the drains did their job and held with the high volume of water. Now if only you can summon up a clean-up crew to get rid of the debris…

      • October 30, 2012 at 11:08 am

        I’m so glad to hear it! But, Phil, some things are simply out of my control. Do you think my powers are so great as to get contractors to come when they say they will? I’m afraid I’d have to be there in person for that (if you know what I mean). 😉

  3. Al
    October 30, 2012 at 10:44 am

    Nothing about you surprises me anymore, Lorna. Say hello to Houdini for me tomorrow night.

    • October 30, 2012 at 11:04 am

      Why wait? He sends his regards, but he’s a bit distracted…something about smoke, mirrors, elections…it’s very fuzzy. He does say something quite clearly, though: “And you thought I was the master of getting out of sticky situations…” I just don’t know who he’s referring to. But his smile is tilted to the right. Oh, Al, it could mean anything. 😉

  4. October 30, 2012 at 11:05 am

    Lorna… where must I follow you for my daily dose of humour… here or over there… another good one…

    • October 30, 2012 at 11:11 am

      You’re a photographer. You should be used to tracking down your target for the thrill of the chase and the victory of capturing the elusive bird. Why should I be any different? At least I leave little crumbs so you can track me more easily! 🙂

      • October 30, 2012 at 11:15 am

        You can fly as well.?.. now I’ll have to track you down what trees do you like and what sounds do you make????

        • October 30, 2012 at 11:36 am

          That, my friend, is the making of another blog! 😉

  5. October 30, 2012 at 11:07 am

    I believe we all have the ability, but not everyone has the power or chooses to use it. Like we’re all cars — some are born with a tank full of gas, some need a jump start (like a lightning strike), but most would rather sit in the front yard on concrete blocks and grow flowers. Have a great journey down the road!

    • October 30, 2012 at 11:14 am

      Neat metaphor (or is it an analogy–I always get them mixed up). Yes, it’s a matter of trusting your innate intuition and harnessing the incredible power of your thoughts. When I explain this to skeptics, I ask them to notice how thinking about something that causes them stress creates real physical reactions in the body. Thoughts influence energy. It’s that simple.

      • October 30, 2012 at 11:54 am

        Difference between analogy and metaphor, Lorna? It’s the sort of question you will be asked when you are about 17 and be marked on your answer. Take heart, Lorna: Few know the difference and even if they did it makes no difference whatsoever. A picture is a picture is a picture is a picture ….

        I am a skeptic as you define her. Sure my mother had stomach cramps as I was in labour (and she didn’t now I was). Sure I have dreams so shockingly illuminating a future event only to come true. Sure I think of someone and the phone rings five minutes later.

        And yes, sometimes my heart misses a beat.

        Can I send you a little wish card to test your powers?

        U

        • October 30, 2012 at 12:10 pm

          Sure, U. You can test me. Clearly formulate a yes/no question that you know the answer to. Let me know when you’ve got the question and the answer fixed in your head. Then I’ll send my answer. Better yet, do 3 or four questions. That way the odds will work against me. 😉

  6. October 30, 2012 at 11:35 am

    I’m glad that we’re friends..I know who to call on now!! This is really amazing..I have interesting dreams sometimes that show up in some form or another in my daily life after a day or two…but this is really, really amazing….some people are just really open to the universe and you appear to DEFINITELY be one of them 🙂

    • October 30, 2012 at 12:11 pm

      Everyone is potentially open. I just decided to be consciously open. 😉

  7. October 30, 2012 at 11:38 am

    Scorpio? On the ascent to a romantic picnic up the deserted Spanish hills (early afternoon, the sun high) I picked up a stone to make sure the car wouldn’t hurtle down the steep decline and guess what: Yes, there was a nest of baby vipers underneath it. Since I appear to mainly run on reflex I dropped the stone right back onto to them. I will leave the damage to your imagination. Good job Mama Scorpio was out at the time and never found me. Nearly thirty years on and I still haven’t recovered from the damage I caused.

    One of my beloved bosses was a Scorpio. She was formidable, kind and the biggest flirt ever. And yes, her name was Maggie. Not Thatcher, but Maggie nevertheless. In fact there were times I was convinced she was having it off with my newly acquired husband whilst I was stuck in the office fielding her business. Yes, that much I was in love with both my husband and my boss.

    Phil is a lucky man.

    U

    • October 30, 2012 at 12:16 pm

      He agrees with you whole-heartedly! But I would never steal a man away and I am as loyal as Scrappy.

      • October 30, 2012 at 1:59 pm

        Not quite sure what you are implying, Lorna. It was a joke.

        U

        • October 30, 2012 at 3:33 pm

          Oh. Sorry. Guess I’m not that psychic after all… 😐

  8. October 30, 2012 at 11:58 am

    Ok, well if nobody else is going to, I’ll go first…

    Lorna, my right knee sometimes seems to almost dislocate in the night, it’s only very occasional, but it’s soooo painful when it happens and makes me cry and almost pass out. I have to gradually ease it back into place and then it’s ok again. Go on then, do your magic! 😉

    If you fix this for me Lorna, I will become a regular follower of your blog…oh wait…I already am. Well then I’ll…erm…I’ll…let’s see now… I’ll…ooh look, a squirrel!

    • October 30, 2012 at 12:19 pm

      Since you were the first, Vanessa, you got my attention. I’ll give it a go. I’ll work on your right knee for a week and let’s see what happens. Make sure to tell me if you feel a difference, okay? I’m serious!

      • October 30, 2012 at 12:35 pm

        Thank you Lorna, that’s very kind. The trouble is, because it happens so occasionally, I might not know for a while whether it has worked, but I will definitely let you know if I notice any difference. Maybe the knee is generally a bit odd and I’m just used to it, but may feel something different, we’ll see! I’m generally pretty skeptical about these things, but I have seen remote healing of this type in action working before, so I’m staying open minded about it!

        • October 30, 2012 at 3:34 pm

          Well, staying open minded and we’ll give it a go!

  9. October 30, 2012 at 12:41 pm

    All this time I was suffering with a torn meniscus and all I had to do was have you channel your healing powers? WT H-ll…!!!! Phil must have powers too. He got you to reveal this hidden gift. Here I thought your lightening strike was just another chapter in your memoir. MMMmmm …. everyday one discovers more secrets. ~~~~~~~~ : – )
    You are a writing gem. I think that’s why Phil chose you to lighten his blog more. You never disappoint and are always in good humor. Who doesn’t want to have a bowl of chuckle soup?
    You are a GREAT gal, Ms. Lorna, a GREAT gal.
    Toodles,
    Izzy
    p.s. Nice choice Mr. Phil

    • October 30, 2012 at 3:36 pm

      Izzy, you always manage to life my spirits, even when they are already flying high. You’re so sweet! 🙂

  10. October 30, 2012 at 1:13 pm

    With a title like bewitched and all this talk about magical powers and spells, I figured we should add another song apropos of the topic. Nina Simone does a really sexy and saucy cover of “I Put A Spell On You” originally made famous by Screamin’ Jay Hawkins.

    For the purists who want to hear the 1956 original, Click Here.

    • October 30, 2012 at 3:38 pm

      Sultry, steamy and super- Scorpio-lishish!

  11. October 30, 2012 at 3:23 pm

    Most interesting accounts. And you do resemble Jeannie though I’ve not seen your bottle/uhm house.

    • October 30, 2012 at 3:43 pm

      I can tell you that my current abode is much smaller, more cozy and a whole lot less stressful than more former one. Better vibes.

  12. October 31, 2012 at 5:15 am

    Phil…it’s so great to hear you’re okay. And how fun to hear about Lorna’s superette powers. May she always use them for good, not evil.

  13. October 31, 2012 at 11:56 am

    Lorna, having had time to digest thoughts on your superpowers, last night I had most startling thought: What if instead of healing someone you’d wish they’d break their legs or take a swig of rat poison? Why do we always assume that mystical powers are served for good purposes?Answer that one if you can. Test your faith in the good of mankind.

    Brought memories back to me. I shall leave these people unnamed since one of them is blood related (though now dead) and the other, the father of one of my aunts, a witch doctor. One of the biggest and wealthiest farmers in the area, a strange man, obviously with lots of access to herbs, plants, lotions and potions and all the ancient wisdom of deepest hinterland. With an intuition to match. The whole surrounding area would turn to him and not only when one their cows was ailing. Am not sure whether he always used his magic for the most benign purpose.

    The blood related one, a beautiful woman so egocentric it was breathtaking, would – by her own admission – make up those little dolls and pierce their hearts or their eyes. How sick is that?. She particularly ‘lovingly’ stitched an effigy of my mother. This woman had no compunction telling my eleven year old self that my mother might die (during an operation she had at the time) and then how would I look after all my siblings? Yes, sweet. Still, having grown up on a diet of the grimmest of tales I most certainly didn’t show at how shocked I was at her cruelty. Have a feeling it was the last time I ever saw her. My father made sure of that.

    Anyway, Lorna, I think you telling your memoirs must be catching. Finding myself lost in reverie. Back to the question: Do you think that when bestowed with supernatural powers our benign intentions succeed where evil ones are more likely to fall flat on their face?

    U

    • October 31, 2012 at 12:05 pm

      PS: Spooky, Barb and I asking the same, or at least similar, question. Didn’t see her comment before I fell in love with own train (or should that be brail) of musings. Thre you go, Lorna: What an inspiration you are.

      U

    • October 31, 2012 at 1:37 pm

      Energy is energy as far as I can tell. Send out harmful intentions and I suspect harm will follow. Since I only deal in positive intentions I can only speak to the healing aspects of energy.

      Do I believe in curses and hexes? Hmm. I think people try to do those kinds of things but if you surround yourself with positive energy, their attempts at bringing you down aren’t effective. It has to do with vibrations and frequencies of energy (and I can just imagine what places you’re heading to now…) 😉

  14. October 31, 2012 at 11:58 pm

    Geez, woman, love your mojo. Your charms work for me a treat.

    I’ve also never been here before but somehow I know to laugh at mention of Phil’s business trips.

    • November 1, 2012 at 11:32 am

      Then you must have some powerful intuition of your own! 🙂 We’re all full of surprises, aren’t we?

  15. November 15, 2012 at 12:10 pm

    have a wonderful weekend my dear friend,,,
    hugs

  16. WordsFallFromMyEyes
    October 27, 2013 at 9:10 pm

    I used to love Bewitched, I so much did.

    Those accounts you list are amazing – most spectacularly, the imaging the breast lump as alka seltzer. And Hoops. This is fascinating, Phil.

  1. October 30, 2012 at 11:04 am

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