Home > humor > Trading Places: Shuffled Careers – part 1

Trading Places: Shuffled Careers – part 1

Writing with a Fountain Pen


Inspiration to write oftentimes comes from the strangest places.  A few nights ago at a business dinner, probably after a few too many wines and other spirits were absorbed by all, the topic of discussion turned to how wordy and unwieldy business contracts written by corporate attorneys tended to be.  Someone commented that poets should perhaps be employed to shorten up and concentrate the language, which of course led to the amusing thought of corporate attorneys attempting to write poetry in return.  Thus was born the idea of this post, shuffling careers and their professionals.  As fair warning, I am neither attorney nor poet, so my apologies to both in my attempt to poke a little fun…

Here we find our recently unemployed corporate attorney writing a nice love sonnet:

How Do I Love Thee  (with many apologies to Elizabeth Barrett Browning)

Whereas, the party of the first part (hereinafter referred to as “I”) intends to make the following declarations of unmitigated love, and,

Whereas, the party of the second part (hereinafter referred to as “thee”) accepts such declarations, subject to the following terms and conditions expressly put forth, and

Whereas, both parties agree such declarations and acceptances thereto are mutually beneficial for the purposes of a romantic relationship,

Now Therefore, both parties, thee and I, agree to the following expressions of love.

Article I.  Declaration and Enumeration of Love

1.0  How do I love thee? Let me count the ways:

1.1 I love thee to the (i) depth, and (ii) breadth, and (iii) height my soul can reach, when feeling out of sight for the ends of being and ideal grace.

1.2 I love thee to the level of every day’s most quiet need, by (i) sun, and (ii) candle-light, and (iii) any such form of light that may hereinafter replace 1.2 (i) and 1.2 (ii) due to technological advances.

1.3 I love thee freely, as men strive for right.

1.3.a No compensation, expressed or implied, shall be made from this declaration.

1.4 I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.

1.5 I love thee with the passion put to use in (i) my old griefs, and (ii) with my childhood’s faith.

1.6 I love thee with a love I seemed to lose with my lost saints.

1.7 I love thee with the (i) breath, (ii) smiles, (iii) tears of all my life; and,

1.8 If God choose, I shall but love thee better after death.

1.8.a  It is duly noted that being loved even better after death shall only apply in the case of a natural death, not one resulting from a deliberate act of of either party to cause such death upon the other.

Article II.  Term, Enforcement, and Survivability

2.1 The terms of this declaration and agreement, as in all matters involving romantic love, is deemed to begin effective as of the date of duly notarized signatures appearing hereinafter and shall continue in perpetuity.

2.2 The terms and declarations herein are for the mutual benefit of the specific parties.  This declaration cannot be assigned to any other party or lover without the express written consent of both parties.

2.3 No terms of this declaration can be altered unless in writing by formal amendment as agreed upon by both parties.

2.4 In the event of any dispute, the parties agree to a trial in the court of public opinion.  Both parties agree to waive their right of privacy in such circumstance of a public declaration, and may be subject to the penalties of ridicule, smarmy attitudes, and possible FaceBook unfriending actions.

In Witness Whereof, the undersigned have caused this instrument to be executed and to be binding upon each as of the date herein.


There now – isn’t that romantic?  I can almost hear the collective sighs, or is it groans I hear?  As time permits, I’ll check in on our newly hired poet taking a stab a writing a lease in this series of shuffled careers.


  1. Joni Ruetz
    March 22, 2014 at 1:10 pm

    Take me, I’m yours!!

    • March 22, 2014 at 2:19 pm

      Who would have thought I’d need a lawyer to make women swoon?

  2. March 22, 2014 at 2:13 pm

    Oh, Phil, you’ve made me laugh 🙂 I’ll never again see that sonnet in the same light. I live with a retired lawyer who still does some in-house consultancy work. Interestingly, his legal documents are wordy and lacking in commas (as is the custom) but his business letters are so succinct and to the point that there is no room for argument!

    • March 22, 2014 at 2:22 pm

      Sarah, as long as any love notes sent by your mate are not in bullet-point form, you should be fine. Thanks for reading. I’ve missed writing and hanging around these parts.

      • March 23, 2014 at 8:29 am

        And you’ve been missed, Phil, so I’m glad to have you back.

  3. March 22, 2014 at 5:58 pm

    Yes, Phil, but what of the small print? That most dastardly part of any transaction. Should you ever need a magnifying glass I am your myopic.

    What a missile you’ve got there (fountain pen by another name). Other than that I’ll have to send La Ruetz the same way as Lorna a couple of years or so ago. Reference: Bois de Boulogne.. At dawn. Card board coffin. Home made. Not embroidered.


    • March 23, 2014 at 9:16 am

      Small print? What small print?

  4. March 23, 2014 at 2:58 pm

    Hey , Phil you’re alive!

    • March 23, 2014 at 11:30 pm

      I like to think of it more like Elvis sightings – sporadic and in the oddest of places…

  5. March 28, 2014 at 4:29 am

    thank you about your comment about ” fatherhood” on my blog
    i have just answered it

    • March 30, 2014 at 11:24 am

      The pleasure was all mine, John.

  6. March 28, 2014 at 5:07 pm

    hahaha… I had fun reading your very own I Love Thee Sonnet 🙂 Very clever!

    This April, Music Passion will be on its 3rd year and so I would like to ask you to host for our Music Passion theme this April. I wish you would gladly accept this. We miss your charms in the blogosphere my dear Phil. Thank you! mmmwahhh

    • March 30, 2014 at 11:25 am

      Thank you Dolly. I’d be honored to kick off the theme for April. Let me think about one that we haven’t yet had and I’ll post it by the 1st.

      • March 30, 2014 at 3:49 pm

        Yiheyyyyy this is really awesome! Thanks my dear Phil…. mmmwahhhhh! I’m already excited what you would have us to play with 😀 xoxo

  7. March 31, 2014 at 9:59 am

    I’m going to have my attorney read this before I sign anything. Shizzle. I don’t have an attorney. Oh, what the heck, where’s the pen? 😉

    • April 1, 2014 at 1:07 am

      I just knew you would fall for my silvery tongued way with words… 🙂

  8. April 19, 2014 at 10:12 am

    Brilliant! I particularly liked the clause that discussed natural death vs caused death.

    • August 28, 2016 at 10:19 pm

      I’ve been absent for quite a while in the blogosphere, and just noticed this comment. Yes, loving one even more after death did seem to require a bit of clarification…

  9. August 25, 2016 at 10:54 am

    This is fantastically beautifully comical! I love it! I miss reading you!!!

    • August 28, 2016 at 10:21 pm

      Jeanna! I’ve been absent so very long from the blogging world. Took a break it seems and just never really came back. Life happens sometimes. I may need to change the name of this blog from Random Thoughts to Sporadic and Most Infrequent Thoughts… Still, it’s good to see you around these parts.

      • August 29, 2016 at 10:55 am

        Life happens for sure. Seems to be how my blogging career goes. Yet I always find myself wishing that I was blogging. lol!!

  1. No trackbacks yet.

Tell me, what's on your mind?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: