Inspiration to write oftentimes comes from the strangest places. A few nights ago at a business dinner, probably after a few too many wines and other spirits were absorbed by all, the topic of discussion turned to how wordy and unwieldy business contracts written by corporate attorneys tended to be. Someone commented that poets should perhaps be employed to shorten up and concentrate the language, which of course led to the amusing thought of corporate attorneys attempting to write poetry in return. Thus was born the idea of this post, shuffling careers and their professionals. As fair warning, I am neither attorney nor poet, so my apologies to both in my attempt to poke a little fun…
Here we find our recently unemployed corporate attorney writing a nice love sonnet:
How Do I Love Thee (with many apologies to Elizabeth Barrett Browning)
Whereas, the party of the first part (hereinafter referred to as “I”) intends to make the following declarations of unmitigated love, and,
Whereas, the party of the second part (hereinafter referred to as “thee”) accepts such declarations, subject to the following terms and conditions expressly put forth, and
Whereas, both parties agree such declarations and acceptances thereto are mutually beneficial for the purposes of a romantic relationship,
Now Therefore, both parties, thee and I, agree to the following expressions of love.
Article I. Declaration and Enumeration of Love
1.0 How do I love thee? Let me count the ways:
1.1 I love thee to the (i) depth, and (ii) breadth, and (iii) height my soul can reach, when feeling out of sight for the ends of being and ideal grace.
1.2 I love thee to the level of every day’s most quiet need, by (i) sun, and (ii) candle-light, and (iii) any such form of light that may hereinafter replace 1.2 (i) and 1.2 (ii) due to technological advances.
1.3 I love thee freely, as men strive for right.
1.3.a No compensation, expressed or implied, shall be made from this declaration.
1.4 I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.
1.5 I love thee with the passion put to use in (i) my old griefs, and (ii) with my childhood’s faith.
1.6 I love thee with a love I seemed to lose with my lost saints.
1.7 I love thee with the (i) breath, (ii) smiles, (iii) tears of all my life; and,
1.8 If God choose, I shall but love thee better after death.
1.8.a It is duly noted that being loved even better after death shall only apply in the case of a natural death, not one resulting from a deliberate act of of either party to cause such death upon the other.
Article II. Term, Enforcement, and Survivability
2.1 The terms of this declaration and agreement, as in all matters involving romantic love, is deemed to begin effective as of the date of duly notarized signatures appearing hereinafter and shall continue in perpetuity.
2.2 The terms and declarations herein are for the mutual benefit of the specific parties. This declaration cannot be assigned to any other party or lover without the express written consent of both parties.
2.3 No terms of this declaration can be altered unless in writing by formal amendment as agreed upon by both parties.
2.4 In the event of any dispute, the parties agree to a trial in the court of public opinion. Both parties agree to waive their right of privacy in such circumstance of a public declaration, and may be subject to the penalties of ridicule, smarmy attitudes, and possible FaceBook unfriending actions.
In Witness Whereof, the undersigned have caused this instrument to be executed and to be binding upon each as of the date herein.
There now – isn’t that romantic? I can almost hear the collective sighs, or is it groans I hear? As time permits, I’ll check in on our newly hired poet taking a stab a writing a lease in this series of shuffled careers.